FINALLY. THE DAY HAS COME. Well, on Wednesday, rather, hahah. I’m finally back home in Houston, in my house, out of that stalagmitic cave-box thing I have to live in at UT. In all honesty, though, as happy as I am to be back in Houston, it feels extremely weird to be back at home for summer. I went home pretty much every week last semester and a few times this semester, and now I’m home for good. It’s such a strange yet wonderful feeling to know that I don’t have to rush back to Austin after a couple of days or weeks. Well, I’m only here for two or three months now, so that’s long enough, I guess. :P
So many things happened this year at UT. Like. A LOT. Before entering university, I always just brushed off the whole “you’re going to discover yourself and change so much in college” thing that people kept telling me. It turns out that they weren’t kidding, at all.
First semester was quite a ride for me, in both my academic and spiritual life. My classes completely killed my GPA. Not even Asian-fail. As in almostgettingkickedout fail. Since I was so used to winging everything in high school and getting by, I did the same thing first semester and it didn’t result in ponies gleefully jumping over rainbows in a flowery field… But I guess that’s one of the most important and hardest lessons I had to learn. God had to spank me hard for me to get the whole “discipline” concept, but at the end of the semester, due to this irreversible mistake I made, I finally learned my lesson. HOWEVER, after bawling about it and hating myself for it, this whole experiences taught me that I need overestimate myself less and just trust in God; trust that He will make my paths straight, no matter what happens, whether good things or bad. He’s got a plan for me and all I need to do is obey. Then everything will be all right. Like it is now. I’m still climbing out of the pit that I dug for myself, but this semester has been a huge encouragement to me since last semester, and I’ve just learned to be more humble and trust hat God will help me out.
In regards to my spiritual walk with God, I feel like I’ve grown so much this year from small group, discipleship, my fellowship, church, and the experiences I’ve had to go through as well. I think the biggest thing I learned this year is that God is such a big God and that He really cares for His children. And because we are His children, we all need to look out for each other and not just for ourselves. I mean, I know that I’ve heard that we all must “love our enemies” and “love our neighbors as ourselves”, but I don’t think I grasped the full definition/concept of that until I heard it explained in a different way at church and actually experienced it. I’m naturally a very empathetic person, so I naturally feel happy when others are happy, sad when others are upset, etc. But after learning and realizing the actual definition of loving enemies and neighbors, I think my empathy for people has grown so much stronger. As a result, the fact that so many Christians (including me) are much more sedentary than we should be has bothered me so much recently. Because I have already accepted Jesus into my heart as Lord and Savior and have a personal relationship with God, I want other people to come to know Him too. Even with the people who are non-Christians and who I’m not particularly fond of, I want to be a light and witness to them, so that they don’t have to go through more minutes/days/months/years of their lives without knowing God. I’m still learning to love them no matter what they did to me before, and learning to forgive them while throwing away whatever resentment I have. Now, after seeing a couple of people either lost from or falling away from God, I feel so depressed thinking about how many people there are that either don’t know Him or even just flat out reject Him. I know that I don’t have much time to waste and that I have to be what God has called all of His children to be - a light. I can’t just sit here and watch anymore. Sitting and watching has started to eat such a big hole in me that the pain of it all makes me realize that I need to actually get up and move my butt if I want anything to happen. I can’t just sit here hopeful that someone else will do it, even if there’s a bunch of ‘someone else’s’. But yeah, that’s what I learned this year… that I need to look out for not only my relationship with God, but look out and care for others, too. And pray. That is one of the most important things. Like Conrad, the youth director at HCC when I was in middle school, said, “Pray until something happens.” God makes things happen. And they’re great things, too, so there’s no need to waste any time in worrying about whatever.
OH AND ANOTHER THING. One of the things that made this whole year so awesome and memorable is the many friendships that I have developed with people. I’ve actually grown quite close with a few people that I either did not know before the 2011-2012 school year, or who I didn’t ever bother to talk to before. I’m so glad that I have these amazing friends to keep me in check and to support me in most (if not all) of the situations that decide to occur in my life. And I’m so thankful that they’re such good listeners too. They just sit tight and are all ears whenever I feel like venting or going off on some [what I consider] exciting tangent. They cool. They cool :)
Okay I feel like this whole post doesn’t make sense. Maybe it’s just me because I’m just typing as my mind goes wandering along. And because I’m tired, hahah. But yeah that’s what’s on my mind. I’m happy to be home. I’m so glad that God has taught me huge lessons this year. I’m happy to be a longhorn. This post is getting really long. So I bid you all farewell, and good night :)