Live in victory.

This is by far the most powerful song I’ve ever listened...

Sat, 09 Feb 2013 14:14:00 -0600

This is by far the most powerful song I’ve ever listened to in my life. Ever. It’s a pretty accurate depiction of the Gospel and what a powerful God we have to watch over and protect us :) Take a listen, I promise you won’t regret it!

My Life's Testimony.

Sat, 09 Feb 2013 14:09:20 -0600

Hahah… no, I’m not actually going to type my whole testimony on Tumblr. As much as I would like to, the details and events in it are way too much to type. But I do want to say that I’m beyond grateful that God is prevalent in my life. Through all the joy and struggles that have occurred for the 19.5 years I’ve lived so far, there are a few things I wish had not happened, but all in all, those are part of an entire story that God has used to shape me into the person I am now.

Just last year, I had no idea what to say when people asked me to tell them my testimony. Most of the reason for that was - I thought my life was so boring. Nothing special. Just a typical mundane life with no exciting stories or ridiculously difficult treks through hardship. To me, my own testimony seemed so uncaptivating to whoever I would plan to tell. But I must say that the past year has been one of the most rocky/eventful years of my life. And it definitely changed me and my perspective on things. I think God was trying to show me that I’m not here on Earth just for the heck of it and that He doesn’t want me to view life as ultimately meaningless in the span of eternity, but rather, He wants me to use my life’s story to impact others such that I can lead as many people I can to Him before we leave this Earth. He wants me to show others how prevalent He is in my life as well as everyone else’s. Though it took me a while to pinpoint the various things God has helped me through and the miracles He’s shown me, this past year was the year that opened my eyes to all of that. God isn’t a nobody. He’s the King, Creator, and God of all things from before the beginning of time and for the rest of eternity, and yet He somehow has an indescribable love for all these people He created in His own image. And though we might be physically tiny and helpless compared to Him, He still somehow cares enough to write a story for each and every person on Earth; and for those who choose to surrender their lives to Him through Jesus Christ, He not only gives is a free gift of eternal life, but also the opportunity to share what story He’s written for each of us, so that we might go out into the world to share it with those who have not yet heard or understood the big picture behind what a huge, loving, compassionate, powerful God we have in our lives, and what the Gospel is truly about. There’s so many people to reach, and even though my story is still a work in progress, this past year is already an indication God has given me that every bit of my life, whether big or small, contributes to an amazing story that God has written for me to share with others.

I feel like I complain too much,

Mon, 10 Dec 2012 03:51:00 -0600

but I really wonder what it’s like to not be the outcast. Even in groups of friends… I often ponder and think how happy and valued I would feel if I wasn’t outcasted among people 95% of the time. I know I’m an introvert, but even among friends, I somehow manage to get left out. Is it my personality? Is it something wrong with me? Do my thoughts have no value? Am I even worth a bit of a cent to some people? I often wonder if those whom I consider friends feel the same way about me. Honestly, I don’t have a huge friend group, but I was hoping for a small one so that feeling of being ignored or rejection won’t come back to haunt me as often as it does now. Especially if I say something in a one-to-one conversation in person, at least have the courtesy to respond in some way instead of looking forward and staying silent. Or in a group setting, including everyone present in that immediate area so no one feels outcasted by the rest of the group. Is that too much to ask? Honestly, why do I even bother? I sometimes feel like only God is there for me while no one else is… and that feeling seems to get stronger each passing day.

Sigh. Maybe I really do complain too much. Enough venting for a night..

ellenthankyou: How I feel about school. Featuring Kristine,...

Mon, 03 Dec 2012 16:20:23 -0600

I think I'm done with it...

But it's not done with me.

ellenthankyou:

How I feel about school.

Featuring Kristine, photos by Vickie.

LOL KRISTINE…. you never fail to make me laugh. WHAT IS SCHOOL

To be honest,

Mon, 19 Nov 2012 12:56:00 -0600

most people here in America don’t have to deal with what my family and I have to go through. I’m not some princess who lives a super easygoing life every day. It is, in fact, quite the opposite. And there’s a reason I don’t tell people about these things. But at the same time, the fact that I don’t tell anyone gives people a much greater tendency to take advantage of me. Sometimes I feel like no one is willing to compromise just because on the outside, everything in life is bright and dandy for me, so I and my family get to take full burden and let everybody else live in luxury. Why does life need to be so hard? Why is everything my fault? Why am I always perceived as the bad guy? Why am I always the one who has to consider other people and it’s never the other way around? Why is it always me that has to be the horse that toils so hard to pull the carriage, only to be abandoned in the cold when it’s too weak to carry on? I really don’t understand. Lord, help me.

Friends

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 15:09:04 -0600

The topic just popped into my mind today. Ever since I was a kid, I never really stopped seeking for love. Not the relationship type of love, but I just wanted friends who would love me for who I am and be loyal to our friendship. As someone who doesn’t trust people easily, I don’t think I actually found who I consider “true” friends until late high school and now in college. But at the same time, I often wonder whether some of the people I really consider as ‘friends’ even care about me or my well-being. I seriously wonder sometimes. If the person tells everyone that we’re really close, and yet makes really insensitive comments to me [when we’re talking one-on-one] which mostly involve my lack of ability or intelligence in this or that, is that person really worth my time and effort that I put into the friendship? Given that I trusted that person with various issues/secrets and that person turns around to spill all of that to one of their friends, should I even bother to trust the person anymore? When the person knows I need comfort in a given moment in time and tells me they don’t have time for me, does that person even care at all? What if the person acted like none of those actions were wrong; that doesn’t count as loyalty, does it?

I feel like friendships are super complicated sometimes. I guess the reason why I never trusted people easily was because I was so scared that these types of things would happen. And the fact that some of my friends betrayed my trust in them really breaks my heart. But on the brighter end of the spectrum, I really thank God every hour of the day for the friends that stay true and loyal to me. They are a huge blessing and encouragement to me as I walk in my journey through life; they always have my back and respect me as a human being and for some, as family. And most importantly, I have to admit that I often forget that God is always going to care for me and always has time for me no matter when or where. But remembering that gives me a huge comfort in difficult times; I don’t know where I’d be if God wasn’t a part of my life. He’s the reason I live, and I truly am grateful that He’s given me people to share my life with. Thank you so much, Father, for taking care of me. And I truly thank my friends who love on me every day and share life with me; you know who you are :)

So today at church,

Sun, 11 Nov 2012 23:38:48 -0600

the message was pretty powerful, as it always seems to be at Stone. That’s one of the things I love about this church. The sermons always challenge me and always keep me up on my toes. God really convicted me the most at two points in the sermon. The first was when Tyler David, the pastor, emphasized that actions that aren’t rooted in love are weightless. Deep down, I’ve known this all my life as I was taught that concept growing up, but I guess I never took the chance to really ponder and grasp it. So it hit me pretty hard today. I realized that, especially in groups, I often do things grudgingly just because I “have to”, and only care about how annoying the task is rather than think about it in a positive light, that I’m actually doing it so other people don’t have to deal with it as much later. As a Christian, I really should be doing everything with joy. Not that fake poopoo where I pretend to have no problem at all, but real joy. I feel like God and I will be much happier with me if I were to do that. So, resolution made. I start today :)

The second point where God really convicted me is that we pay too much attention in finding a teacher to make us better rather than finding a Savior to make us new. I definitely fall guilty to that statement. I must admit that I often think too much about how to change myself to please other people instead of asking God to mold me into the person He wants me to be. But after reflecting upon what Pastor Tyler said, it’s pretty clear to me now that I’ve been making things much harder than they’re supposed to be. Just pray and ask God to make me new and let Him take care of everything. I’m pretty sure I’ll be a lot happier with myself if I just take that approach and let God work, hahah. That resolution starts today too.

On another, completely unrelated note, THANKSGIVING BREAK AND DADDY’S BDAY IS COMING UP, I’M SO EXCITED :))) But yup. My thoughts for today have now been tumblred. I’m out ;)

And so,

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 11:35:35 -0500

With two weeks of worrying my butt off and an hour or so of dental surgery, MY WISDOM TEETH ARE GONE. :) Seriously, anyone can ask my parents how much I worried about dying from the anesthesia, getting my jaw broken, and other ridiculous shenanigans, and they will probably gladly tell how much I rambled on about such nonsense. Hahah :P

So the experience was quite interesting. I was freaking out about getting my wisdom teeth pulled even while we were waiting for the nurse to call me into the dental surgeon’s office.. and my mom just looked at me with that typical “Are you crazy?!” face. But the adventure of it all really began when the nurse comes in five minutes later and leads me to the surgical room.

It was my very first surgery. I know that other people have gotten much more serious surgeries with their limbs, appendix, etc., but I was scared to death. I lied down on the reclining chair thing, and the nurses hooked me up to a heart monitor, which was beeping like crazy because I was so nervous… lol. One of them actually was like, “what’s wrong with that monit- oh.” ANYWAY. Moving on. So the doctor comes in after a couple minutes and asks me if I’m ready for this. Of course I said yes. Definitely. OF COURSE. “Good,” he replied. He then asks the nurse to give him whatever cold spray so he could freeze that part of my arm and stick the IV needle in. I felt a little pinch but no more than that. I was expecting to get sleepy and peacefully doze off, but to my surprise and confusion, I was still wide awake and wondering when the anesthesia would kick in, if it had even started dripping into my system. I was still wide awake when the nurse stuck this thing in my mouth and said, “Here, this will keep your mouth open. Say ahhh!” and BOOM, I knocked out. Just like that.

Within the span of what I felt like was five minutes, I woke up to find myself in a dark room, shivering under three blankets placed on top of me, with my mom rubbing me all over to keep me warm. She kept asking me if I was okay, if I could hear her, and if my mouth hurt at all. I responded to every question with either a groan or silence, but in my head, my mind was going crazy as I kept wondering to myself how that went by so quickly. And that it was painless. The first time I had a couple teeth pulled was when I was about 7ish years old, and because my dentist usually worked on adults, he didn’t want to put too much anesthesia in me to kill me, but we found out within minutes into pulling my teeth that he didn’t put enough. So to actually get my WISDOM teeth pulled out with no pain whatsoever, was a huge yet pleasant surprise for me. :)

After about 30 minutes of lying in that recovery room, the nurse helped me onto a wheelchair and wheeled me outside to my mom’s car. And with that, the most exciting part of that adventure was over.

Boy, I have to say, that was one of the most interesting experiences I’ve had to this day, but I can say that all that worrying I stressed myself out with was not worth it. I should have trusted God for even such a simple matter as getting a few teeth pulled, while other people are out there in life-death situations, who still have even greater faith and trust than I do. Sometimes I feel like I’m such a noob when it comes to trusting God, but who knew that from getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I learned a big life lesson? :)

A Dark World

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 02:38:00 -0500

Hi. So my dad and I were talking about how so many doctors cheat patients of their money, turning healthcare into some business that they see as a sole moneymaker, while they could care less about actually healing patients. We’ve seen that happen three times in the past couple of months to the same person. I told my dad how messed up and stupid I thought this whole mentality is, and all he said to me was, “It’s a dark world we live in.”

For some odd reason, although I’ve heard this phrase used hundreds of times from other people, the words struck me hard. I felt like my heart just dropped, while, at the same time, an image of a ‘dark world’ briefly crossed my mind. I don’t even have the words to describe what it looked like. All I can say is that it really scared me, even now when I think about it. And I cannot begin to express how much more it scares me to know that sin has come so far ever since it has entered the world. More and more people succumb to it, and even the Bible mentions that it will only get worse until Jesus comes back.

But I guess there’s no use to fear. Because when Jesus does come back and all of the Biblical prophecies are fulfilled, God wins the battle.

And Satan and all associated with that horrific thing get thrown into the Lake of Fire. Forever. For eternity.

Boy, you have no idea how much I await that day. God, even though things might not seem bright now, knowing that You will reign in victory in the end is all that I need to keep living on. TEAM JESUS, LET’S GO.

"But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.” - Psalm 71:14"

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 02:23:00 -0500

“But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.” - Psalm 71:14”

The Vow.

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 01:51:00 -0500

Hahah. So I don’t blog often… what a surprise. Actually, not really… I’m not a big fan of journaling. But I figured I should update. :P

Today was a good day. I crammed all day for Physics, took my test, came home in time to FINALLY eat dinner together with my family on a weekday, and watched The Vow with my mom and my brother. Sorry, Daddy, if the TV happened to wake you up heheh.. :P But yes, The Vow was a pretty good movie. But, I have to say, I felt so sorry for Leo, throughout that entire thing. The fact that his wife lost every memory of him was quite heartbreaking. And after the movie, my mom and I somehow got into a conversation about how real this whole memory loss thing due to an accident happens in real life - not just in movies. The movie itself made me reflect more on my own life and makes me so incredibly thankful that God has blessed me with a really good memory for even the most minute things in life, and that nothing has happened to me as of yet that has made me lose it. I definitely have taken my memory for granted, using it from time to time, here and there… but never really worked my brain enough to continue to maintain it. As my mom says, if you don’t use what God’s given you, you’ll lose it. Jesus says that in the Bible, too, in the parable of the talents.

¹⁴“Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them.¹⁵To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag,^[a] each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey.¹⁶The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more.¹⁷So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more.¹⁸But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

¹⁹“After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. ²⁰The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’

²¹“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

²²“The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’

²³“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

²⁴“Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed.²⁵So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’

²⁶“His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed?²⁷Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

²⁸“‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags.²⁹For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. ³⁰And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’”

- Matthew 25:14-30

I definitely don’t want to be that servant who took his gold and hid it in the ground. Good memory is one of the precious gifts that God’s given to me, and I’ve got to make sure I don’t waste it.

Boy, this is just one of many movies that make me stop and think. But it’s all for the better, I suppose. :)

unknownfamous: Reblog if you love Jesus <3

Sun, 27 May 2012 00:58:46 -0500

unknownfamous:

Reblog if you love Jesus <3

Home SWEET home :) And reflection, I suppose.

Thu, 17 May 2012 02:43:00 -0500

FINALLY. THE DAY HAS COME. Well, on Wednesday, rather, hahah. I’m finally back home in Houston, in my house, out of that stalagmitic cave-box thing I have to live in at UT. In all honesty, though, as happy as I am to be back in Houston, it feels extremely weird to be back at home for summer. I went home pretty much every week last semester and a few times this semester, and now I’m home for good. It’s such a strange yet wonderful feeling to know that I don’t have to rush back to Austin after a couple of days or weeks. Well, I’m only here for two or three months now, so that’s long enough, I guess. :P

So many things happened this year at UT. Like. A LOT. Before entering university, I always just brushed off the whole “you’re going to discover yourself and change so much in college” thing that people kept telling me. It turns out that they weren’t kidding, at all.

First semester was quite a ride for me, in both my academic and spiritual life. My classes completely killed my GPA. Not even Asian-fail. As in almostgettingkickedout fail. Since I was so used to winging everything in high school and getting by, I did the same thing first semester and it didn’t result in ponies gleefully jumping over rainbows in a flowery field… But I guess that’s one of the most important and hardest lessons I had to learn. God had to spank me hard for me to get the whole “discipline” concept, but at the end of the semester, due to this irreversible mistake I made, I finally learned my lesson. HOWEVER, after bawling about it and hating myself for it, this whole experiences taught me that I need overestimate myself less and just trust in God; trust that He will make my paths straight, no matter what happens, whether good things or bad. He’s got a plan for me and all I need to do is obey. Then everything will be all right. Like it is now. I’m still climbing out of the pit that I dug for myself, but this semester has been a huge encouragement to me since last semester, and I’ve just learned to be more humble and trust hat God will help me out.

In regards to my spiritual walk with God, I feel like I’ve grown so much this year from small group, discipleship, my fellowship, church, and the experiences I’ve had to go through as well. I think the biggest thing I learned this year is that God is such a big God and that He really cares for His children. And because we are His children, we all need to look out for each other and not just for ourselves. I mean, I know that I’ve heard that we all must “love our enemies” and “love our neighbors as ourselves”, but I don’t think I grasped the full definition/concept of that until I heard it explained in a different way at church and actually experienced it. I’m naturally a very empathetic person, so I naturally feel happy when others are happy, sad when others are upset, etc. But after learning and realizing the actual definition of loving enemies and neighbors, I think my empathy for people has grown so much stronger. As a result, the fact that so many Christians (including me) are much more sedentary than we should be has bothered me so much recently. Because I have already accepted Jesus into my heart as Lord and Savior and have a personal relationship with God, I want other people to come to know Him too. Even with the people who are non-Christians and who I’m not particularly fond of, I want to be a light and witness to them, so that they don’t have to go through more minutes/days/months/years of their lives without knowing God. I’m still learning to love them no matter what they did to me before, and learning to forgive them while throwing away whatever resentment I have. Now, after seeing a couple of people either lost from or falling away from God, I feel so depressed thinking about how many people there are that either don’t know Him or even just flat out reject Him. I know that I don’t have much time to waste and that I have to be what God has called all of His children to be - a light. I can’t just sit here and watch anymore. Sitting and watching has started to eat such a big hole in me that the pain of it all makes me realize that I need to actually get up and move my butt if I want anything to happen. I can’t just sit here hopeful that someone else will do it, even if there’s a bunch of ‘someone else’s’. But yeah, that’s what I learned this year… that I need to look out for not only my relationship with God, but look out and care for others, too. And pray. That is one of the most important things. Like Conrad, the youth director at HCC when I was in middle school, said, “Pray until something happens.” God makes things happen. And they’re great things, too, so there’s no need to waste any time in worrying about whatever.

OH AND ANOTHER THING. One of the things that made this whole year so awesome and memorable is the many friendships that I have developed with people. I’ve actually grown quite close with a few people that I either did not know before the 2011-2012 school year, or who I didn’t ever bother to talk to before. I’m so glad that I have these amazing friends to keep me in check and to support me in most (if not all) of the situations that decide to occur in my life. And I’m so thankful that they’re such good listeners too. They just sit tight and are all ears whenever I feel like venting or going off on some [what I consider] exciting tangent. They cool. They cool :)

Okay I feel like this whole post doesn’t make sense. Maybe it’s just me because I’m just typing as my mind goes wandering along. And because I’m tired, hahah. But yeah that’s what’s on my mind. I’m happy to be home. I’m so glad that God has taught me huge lessons this year. I’m happy to be a longhorn. This post is getting really long. So I bid you all farewell, and good night :)

MAI FIRST TUMBLR POST.

Tue, 08 May 2012 01:34:00 -0500

look I jumped on the bandwagon :P I hope it takes me to good places. Leggo! ^^